Responding to Requests
Our lives change when we decide to change; when we learn to change our way of thinking, maybe some of our behaviours, and our attitude may need to change. But sometimes this is easier said than done!
For example, learning to be conscious in how one responds to requests being made of you in your life.
I recall a phrase that I have heard over the past several weeks and it is “the disease to please” which is a term developed by Dr. Harriet B. Braiker who has practiced as a psychologist for over the past 20 years and has a book written about it titled The Disease to Please Curing the People-Pleasing Syndrome. I honestly have not read this book yet, but I know the topic really caught my attention.
I have had years of practice and experience with learning to trust myself and I have learned to know when I genuinely want to say, “yes or no and why”. I know that learning to say “no” is a learned behaviour depending on your own experience, culture, religion, and family. It can also be different for gender and chronological ages. I think about small children and how in their toddler years they intuitively learn to say “no” as a way to start making sense of their own world and personality and quickly they are often redirected to learn to say “yes”, and to listen and get along with others or to do what they are immediately told. There are instances where it is necessary to listen to the adults and follow along with the family norms because a toddler is not equipped to take care of themselves and manage their own life.
Also, navigating the world of “people pleasing” can be tricky because there are instances when it makes sense to go along with what is happening, the context one is in at the time also contributes to decisions being made. Sometimes it is necessary to put the good of the whole in front of your own individual desires.
When you say “yes” do you feel happy and at peace about it, or does it cause bitterness and resentment, do you secretly expect something in return, or does it create fear within you?
These are all points to ponder, in my opinion it is fun to be aware and conscious of how and why one does the things they do. I know a little strategy I have learned to use when I am feeling overwhelmed and not sure about whether I want to say yes or no is to say “can you give me some time to think about this?” or if I am being asked for something or asked to do something I might answer “it depends, let me get back to you?”. Then there are moments where clarity is there and it is easy to say a clear yes or no.
